Back

Welcome back. No this isn’t Ryan, it’s your old friend Kook. We’re changing our post order. We’ve narrowed down the finalists for the new slogan which will advertise the change and drum up some major press. Here are the options you have to vote on.

  1. Monday’s on D3T: they just got a whole lot cooler.
  2. Monday is the new Friday!
  3. Mondays and Wednesdays used to be lame. Now Wednesdays and Fridays are lame.
  4. We refuse to be your bookends any longer, Davis.

I hope everyone had a great holiday break.

{cue the movie sound effect of a record suddenly comes to a screeching stop, which happens when someone commits a faux pas, like in Tyler Perry Presents Madea movies. As in “Well, Reverend Antoine, I’m sorry to tell you I didn’t hear a word of your sermon about taking the beam out of our eyes, cause my eyes was too busy beamin’ at that fine rear end of yours!”}

{Screeching sound}

Hold on, did I just say “Holiday” break as if I’m some sort of beret-sporting liberal Jewish movie agent writing a card to my client and close friend, Brad Pitt (sigh)?!? I meant to say I hope everyone had a freaking awesome CHRISTMAS BREAK! Eat that, Al Franken. Actually, our non-Mormon readers need to know I’m being sarcastic, of course. Mormon’s don’t celebrate Christmas. Nor birthdays. We only celebrate a day of second wife cart-pulling called “Festivus,” which falls on the true “seventh day” and involves the airing of grievances, Dianetics, and listening to a prison broadcast from Dear Leader, Warren Jeffs. And if we’re lucky, Leader Warren will conference in uncle Jim (Jones) via Ouiji Board to lead the closing Gnostic chant of Lothlorien. Since we don’t believe in electricity or batteries, we use a gerbil-powered radio and keep warm by the fireplaces we are famous for crafting.

Yes, I had a good Holiday (I’m including New Years, so I’m not using “Holiday” like a pansy). The Holiday Season is even more Holiday-y for me than for the rest of you because my birthday is December 30. So December is a double holiday trifecta for this guy; full of presents, fun times, and lots and lots of, you guessed it…chocolate.

I’m a lousy present giver (I once gave my little sister a My Little Pony for Christmas when she was 13 or so), but at least I’m not a hypocrite because I always have low expectations on the presents I receive too. Not because I expect the givers to spitefully reciprocate my last round of bad giving, but because I have a hard time coming up with something I want and would enjoy. But I’m always pleasantly surprised by what the gift givers come up with on their own. I guess the good gift givers in my life pay close attention to offhand comments I make throughout the year and get me stuff that I forgot I wanted: stuff that brings me a lot of satisfaction. Like the “Life” animal series Reba got me. I’ve been so happy and excited to have hours of that to be watching. Or the Ruth’s Chris gift card; I’ve never been and I’m a big steak fan, so it’s just time. Or the book about Israel’s version of Delta Force my Mom got me, or the massage certificate my in-laws gave me.

Other happenings over the break:

Reba opening the cool Willams & Sonoma Star Wars pancake molds and Darth Vader pancake flipper Davis got us, and laughing and asking if he was serious. She thought it was simply a Star Wars-themed pancake mix (not sure how that would even work) and assumed it must be a gag gift. Made things awkward.

Losing to Ryan in ping-pong. Bad lighting, non-regulation net height. Won’t happen again.

Discovering the great game Wits and Wagers.

Waiting for an hour to get into Cheesecake Factory for lunch. At 3 in the afternoon. I’m no interior design expert, but next time you’re in there tell me if you wouldn’t feel like the design was really tacky if it was a no-name restaurant. Also, I hate cheesecake but I don’t mind their cheesecake, because it’s the least cheesecakey tasting cheesecake in the world. So what does it tell all you cheesecake lovers that the cheesecake you all agree is the very best tastes the least like “cheesecake” and the most like regular pie/cake?

Playing in 6 foot deep snow with this guy and sledding off the top of a cabin roof at about 40 mph into a pile of powder 35 feet below.

christmas 2010 027

Snow boots? My dad told me snow boots are for poor children; that the cool kids just put Gap bags and packing tape over their tennis shoes.

Here’s to me getting all you important people in my life amazing gifts next year!

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10 Responses to “Back”

  1. Carina says:

    I don’t know if it’s coincidence or fate, but this morning I posted a pic of the VERY COOL Star Wars pancakes made from the VERY COOL molds my sibling got us. So, Davis? Jumping the gun by a couple years since your little guy isn’t quite old enough, but it’s an awesome gift.

    (The again, the molds were a birthday present for my seven-year-old…so Reba might have a point.)

  2. Serene says:

    Yes indeed. I just met my husband’s soon-to-be-second wife. It was awkward! But hey, at least I’ll finally be able to enjoy Festivas!

    I think the Gap bags are cool. I made the mistake of buying our oldest, a girl, pink snow boots one year. It has since been that both our boys have basked in the honor of getting to wear them for the winter when their feet were big enough.

    Just trying to give them tough skin, you know?

    And I am so very jealous of the Star Wars pancake molds! Considering I come from a family where my dad had Darth Vader figurines on his desk when he was Bishop several years ago, I would consider the gift totally awesome!

    Oh, but my dad had to take them down after he offended someone when one day, he bowed before one of the figures and said, “What is thy bidding my master?”

    Some people have no sense of humor!

  3. Rebecca Bell says:

    that sledding trick off the roof was pretty good. the filming was sensational.

    just for the record, never once have i ever said anything about liking star wars and right before I opened that gift, davis was laughing about not giving a good gift this year. anyway, we’re actually really excited about it b/c we make pancakes all the time.

    the reason that cheesecake factory cheesecake is so good is because it’s actually the real thing and all the other cheesecakes are just lousy imitations. so, you really do like cheesecake. you just haven’t tasted real cheesecake until now.

  4. Norm says:

    I also discovered Wits and Wagers over the break. Some W&W facts:

    Only 4% of the worlds population speaks Spanish as their first language.

    Only 21% of the ocean is the Atlantic.

    Statue of Liberty is 305 feet tall and the base is taller than the statue.

    1.2 million knives were confiscated last year in US airports.

    4 US presidents have won the election without winning the popular vote.

    Only 3 category 5 hurricanes have hit the US mainland in the last 100 years.

  5. Andrea W. says:

    Love Oliver’s plastic bag boots. We used to use bread bags on a regular basis when we were young. Part of me loves it when we have to improvise on stuff like that, it just feels more American, at least 70 years ago. To be completely decked out in matching gear feels a little gagalicious. Anyway, giving Eliza a My Little Pony when she was 13, wow, cracked me up.

    I can’t believe you didn’t mention what an awesome New Year’s Eve you had. Boo.

  6. Oh my, oh my. So funny. Zack LOVES those Madea movies! A great gift idea for next year…just sayin.

  7. Davis says:

    Well, it’s nice to know people were really suffering without us.

  8. Christian says:

    For real. I’m done with this stupid blog.

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