Attention: Dear,
RE: OVER DUE CONTRACT PAYMENT/TRANSFER ADVICE
IN YOUR FAVOUR.
This is to notify you of the new order on the release of your contract fund held in the Second Meeting on 19th February, 2010 by our new President DR. GOODLUCK JONATHAN (G.C.F.R) and the Federal Executive Council of Nigeria, Senate commission member, and other members of staff. That your contract payment Of $10.5M. Will now be paid by one of the three listed options.
(1). CBN TELEX WIRE UNIT (KTT)
(2). Diplomatic Courier Service.
(3) ATM CARD Payment.
…

Finally, Daniel: You are the man. I have always wanted to engage these guys, but never really dared somehow. So awesome that you went round for round with this lady, and your syntax was so precise. I think the religion spammers, the ones who are praying and fasting to find you are about the best ones out there. You should try your hand at that yourself, now that you’ve mastered the language.

Andrea, what an awesome way to tell someone you love them. And seriously, I can understand people biting on that one- the desire to learn someone has a secret crush on you is just too strong. What’s a few credit card numbers in exchange for that kind of revelation?

Ben, your physics spam was so awesome. Physics spam? Written with attempts at physics talk? It is so unbelievable that someone would ever conceive of such a thing. Props to the physics spammers, I think they’re even cooler than the normal business spammers.

Subject: Re: I thank you so much for your prompt reply

Most respectable Florence—

I am So happy that we have found each other in grace. I am aloways happy to help someone in need, and I have very much trust that it is Fate that has brought us together for this good fortune of me helping you. However I am quite secure financially, so I will have no need of your 15% commission although I am Thanking you for your kind thoughts of me. I think I shall put the 15% commission that you have so kindly offered me to help Ubanna’s Education. I hope that the doctor will have the best skillz when operating on your neck.

Unfortunately I am currently under an Agreement not to disclose my address, but I can provide my telenumber as soon as I find a new phone Shortly.

So here are your requirements:

1. Sam Walton (I do not know why my email has the different name, I am sorry)
2. (Secretive)
3. I am changing my phone number and will give you my number when details are in store.
4. I was born on March 29, 1941, which is a very important day to me because that day Wisconsin beat Washington State in Basketball NCAA Championship 39-34. I am 68.
5. I run a chain of discount stores ( i am financially secure)
6. Of Course you trust me that I would of course use the fund as direct, and my 15% I do not need and It will b e put in charity.
7. I will do All in my powers to help Ubanna, but I will have to be sure that it is him as I do not want to help a Stranger as a mistake! You willl understand,

My brother is living in Abidjan. Perhaps he is contacting you or Ubanna in the near future to arrange the details?
Peace Always My Dear,

Sam Walton
=)

Dea respected Daniel Bell,

I thank you so much for your prompt reply to my mail. My dear, I have suffered for this Neck Cancer for many years. I am moved to contact you for assistance after my long praying and fasting asking God to provide me an honest person that can be trusted to receive and use it as i directed below to assist the poor and help my son Ubanna to further his education. Actually, we don’t know each other in person but I believe God that you will not betray this trust that i have in you.

Infact your mail have giving me more caurage to trust you more and to hand over this fund to you without fear of betrayal.

This is how i would want this fund to be used:
(1) 15% of the total fund for you for your efforts and assistance to safeguard this fund.
(2) 5% for any expenses which you may incur in course of this transfer.
(3) 40% will help to invest for Ubanna and help him come over to your country to further his education.
(4). 40%, you will use for the well-being of the poor in your country and elsewhere in the world.

I have informed the bank about you that you are the new beneficiary of this fund and that you will be contacting them soon for this fund transfer to your account. I also explained to the Bank manager my intension to transfer this fund to your account. The manager being a good and kind man, he showed his sympathy for my health condition. He assured me that as soon as you contact the bank, he will personally direct you on the best way to receive this fund in your account within 4 days. But before i give you the contact of the bank, i would want you to provide me with the below requirements.

1. Your name
2. Your contact address
3. Your telephone
4. Your age
5. Your Occupation
6.) Would you use the fund as directed you and that the only will take out from this fund is the 15% that i promised to offer you and 5% for your expenses.
7.) Will you be able to assist my son in getting his travelling documents to come over to your country after the fund is transfered to your account?

Before I go for surgery operation by next week, I shall forward you the bank contact for you to open conact with them as the new beneficiary of this fund. Please always pray for me for a successful operation. I shall send you the deposit documents as soon as i receive your reply.

Thanks for your understanding. Please, keep this confidential for security reasons and for my son’s life sake.

Your urgent reply is needed please.

Your beloved sister,
Mrs. Florence and son Ubanna.

Florence and Ubanna—

I am very sorry about your loss, and your illness. I am a very honest and a God-fearing perosn, adn I wolud lyk to help with your plight. I hope you will trust me. I will aloways love you and trust you. I responded Quickly because I did not want another person else to handle the task please. This transactio n requires the only the Strictest of the Confidences, and I will not let you down. Ever, or never. Your son Ubanna souunds So smart.

Before anything happens to you, contact me! we will work the out the details.

May the Force be with you,
Sam Walton

“Oh, I guess I forgot to tell you Tim, I was actually accepted as a private client by the Bank of Overseas, Taiwan, a few months ago.”

“Really?! Wow, that sounds pretty fancy. How does that work?”

“Well it’s different, but quite nice. They don’t publish your account balances to the public and everything is just very private.”

“Wow, I wish I was a private client.”

Some highlights:
“personal” ethics vs. professional ethics or transcendent ethics
“consignment” box rather than a post office box or simple cardboard box
“private” banking clients instead of the more common institutional or commercial banking clients
“family” treasures instead of pirate treasures or just plain old treasures
and my personal favorite… a “diplomatic” agent vs. a tactical agent or perhaps an administrative agent

Thanks for clearing things up, guys.