Comments on: The Jewelry Commercials of 2009: A Retrospective

By: AJ

AJ — Sat, 09 Jan 2010 09:48:08 +0000

I vote with Anne. I don’t know any women who like jewelry ads or care about diamonds; mostly they share my disgust with the jewelry industry. Even the ones who love jewelry prefer unique, handmade items with semiprecious stones. Guys, ask your ladies what they want. You might find that she’d rather have a $100 opal than a $1,000 diamond.

Or you might find she doesn’t want a ring at all. I told my husband not to bother with an engagement ring. We spent the money on a trip to Europe instead. The experience we shared together on our trip was worth a lot more to me than a shiny rock on my finger.

Hilarious article. I love the deconstruction of these stupid ads.

By: Anne

Anne — Sat, 09 Jan 2010 04:55:00 +0000

Re: to whom these things are aimed? I second the vote for “stupid people” and reject any notion that these are gender-specific.

No woman I have ever spoken to has anything but complete, acid-riddled loathing for these commercials (and the belittling, lobotomized “he went to Jared!” twatwaffles.) I’m serious, they make us want to throw things through our televisions.

By: Christian

Christian — Thu, 07 Jan 2010 03:36:07 +0000

Tom Shane. Man, I remember Tom Shane. A voice like honey.

By: Zack Nelson

Zack Nelson — Thu, 07 Jan 2010 02:01:33 +0000

Danica showed me this website, and now I’m a big fan too. Those are the worst commercials I have ever seen. Honestly, how does someone think that is a good idea? I think it’s unfair for the guy dating the deaf girl though, because he can’t pull the “and I always will be” moves on his woman. How is he ever going to make a relationship romantic without that line? That looked like an ad for a horror movie all the way until they said Kay Jewelers at the very end.

By: Troy

Troy — Thu, 07 Jan 2010 00:38:30 +0000

Don’t get me wrong, I too got a steal of a wife–in Johnny Lingo terms she is definitely an 8-cow woman…it’s just that cows actually have a value to them in that they produce milk, cheese, and meat, whereas diamonds are shiny rocks. So I’m not saying my wife isn’t worth the diamond, I’m saying the diamond isn’t worth my wife. If I spent the same amount of money on cattle and gifted them to my father-in-law in exchange for my wife I’d feel much better about that deal.

As for my vendetta, you may be asking what I’ve done in the crusade against the diamond industry. Well, besides not buying any more shiny rocks, and scoffing at their commercials, I watched Blood Diamond on TV. You know, Leonardo DiCaprio. So thats supportive, right? Also, one time I saw Tom Shane in a dark alley and started punching him in the face until I ran out of breath. Then his swollen, bloody lips uttered “you’re gonna like the way you look, I guarantee it!” and I realized I had made a grave mistake in thinking it was Tom Shane when actually it was the Men’s Wearhouse guy (Tom Shane always does radio so he can’t be recognized in dark alleys) I was all “I’m so sorry Men’s Wearhouse guy–I love you–I…I thought you were someone else–I could have sworn I heard you say “on the corner of state street and 7200 south, open monday through friday till 8, saturday till 5, closed Sundays” but I guess not! I swear I wouldn’t have beat you up if I knew it was you! You were the one that finally weaned me of those nasty pleats and got me to wear flat-front slacks–and for that I owe you, and yet look what I’ve done!! What have I done?!?!?”

Actually, that didn’t really happen. So, just the boycott and the commercial scoffing. And Leo. Take that, diamond industry.

By: Ryan

Ryan — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 23:44:25 +0000

Erin, I’m sure your husband is just more of a lipstick kind of guy. Anyway, a real man would just carve the heart into the mirror with something hard enough to permanently etch glass– say, a diamond.

By: Erin

Erin — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 22:21:05 +0000

Not so sure why Bryan is being so critical of the toothpaste heart on the mirror, he always draws hearts with lipstick and that doesn’t come off very easily either.

Really, though, this had me laughing so hard. We die every time one of these commercial comes on. Thanks for putting all of the reasons we laugh into a nice little package, tied with a bow.

By: Ryan

Ryan — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 16:34:33 +0000

Yeah, I wonder if all of those little hearts (the heart in the snow, the heart on the mirror, the window heart) were the same guy who is just going heart-CRAZY, or if maybe they were all done by different people living different lives– an epidemic of romantic heart drawing spreading across the country. I assume the toothpaste on the mirror is meant to be permanent. It’s like how romance is heightened by the forever-ness of a diamond– here is a drawing in toothpaste, and it’s pretty much never going to come off, just like our love.

By: Massey

Massey — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 16:24:13 +0000

Thank you for exposing the fraud that is jewelry advertising. After reading the title of your post, I thought of my favorites of the year and you didn’t miss one of them in your commentary. The only one I hadn’t seen was the heart-themed one. What a great idea to cut a heart out of a piece of toast. Squirting a column of toothpaste on the mirror in the shape of a heart? Not so great: “Hey honey, I love you so much I drew this toothpaste heart for you, now good luck trying to get the toothpaste off of the mirror.” Seriously, have you ever tried to clean toothpaste off of a mirror? It’s like trying to get gum out of hair, only you can’t cut the infected piece of the mirror off.

Another product that has its own commercial niche similar to jewerly is women’s fragrance. Why does every women’s fragrance commercial follow the same theme? Ryan, I hope you follow-up your jewerly commercial commentary with an analysis of women’s fragrance commercials. Just don’t watch any of these commercials at work.

By: Ryan

Ryan — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 13:17:30 +0000

Oooh, Danica, that possiblility is mind-blowing. Do you think that guy’s resume promises expertise in “diverse super-annoying husband roles”? If that is the same guy (and there is at least a 50/50 chance that it is), I fear for his life. You can’t say “both” that way and not tick off a lot of people.

And by the way, Andrea- thanks for pointing out the Jared commercials. I couldn’t find it online, but one of the very best in the genre is the one where the girl is doing a crossword and asks her roommate for a 14 letter word for ‘proposal,’ and the answer is “he went to Jared.” Iccck.